This essay is the preface to my doctoral thesis (Social Ecology, 2002) which was titled The Female Metaphor – Virgin, Mother, Crone – of the Dynamic Cosmological Unfolding: Her Embodiment in Seasonal Ritual as a Catalyst for Personal and Cultural Change. I smile at this title because it is such a long title and when it was printed in the order of service for the university graduation ceremony, it took up so much space; and also when it was read out. This is a good thing for women’s work to take up so much visible and audible space, because women’s work does in fact constitute so much of the ground of being, largely unnoticed across the globe in recent millennia; and my thesis, and the action research involved, was all about re-constituting Her, for me personally as well as for the collective – a contribution to our Her-itage.
And so, the Preface as I wrote it then:
I reflect on this thesis process – how it has been an alive process, a living process, “a butterfly flitting around the garden”. It is a study of this nature – dynamic – therefore bound to miss so much. Within the time frame, and within my capacity for observation and experience, I have received as much of the subtleties of the dynamics as I could. A butterfly pinned in a box used to be accepted once as a basis for knowledge of the butterfly … it is not any longer.
It is not possible for this work to be a logical, complete package; it can only ever be partial. I am aware that this kind of thinking can be an excuse for a lack of diligence and careful commitment, but I believe that this is not the case. On the contrary, I believe that it is because of my careful attention to the nature of the work, that I have realized its depths and my novice status. As Denzin notes, in the context of interviews though it is relevant in a broader way here in this context,
“The subject is more than can be contained in a text, and a text is only a reproduction of what the subject has told us. What the subject tells us is itself something that has been shaped by prior cultural understandings. Most important, language … displaces the very thing it is supposed to represent, so that what is always given is a trace of other things, not the thing – lived experience – itself” (quoted by Miller and Glassner 1997:101).
Much of this thesis can only be like the painting of a picture. Even if it could be a photograph, it would never be the complete experience. When one photographs a magnificent vista, even with the best of equipment, it can never be adequate to the experience; and it can never fully expose the depths of what is actually there. In the case of my presenting of this work and the “equipment” that is being used: I am attempting to describe with text/words, experiences and multivalent understandings. It is being perceived and written from within the perspective of my own being with all its present limitations and inhibitions. So, a ‘photograph’ is not possible, nor adequate. It will be a ‘painting’, an impression, of the Female Metaphor, of the Seasonal Moments, and the complex web of the evolution of their expression in ritual celebration; and so too will be the describing of the experience – the data. It cannot be complete. As will become clear in the unfolding of the research and its results, it can only ever be a work ‘in progress’, as I attempt to articulate and plumb the depths of a wisdom tradition that is both ancient and ‘not-yet’, both forgotten and yet to be conceived. There are subtle layers, and more subtle layers – some of which this research has been able to apprehend/perceive, and some of which at this stage is unspoken/unperceived.
It is my perception that the nature of the Seasonal Moments is, that once the ‘feeling’ for each of them is received by the reader/participant, then it grows in its own way … within the context of their being. It is then up to the receiver to take it further if they wish, translating their experience into it, letting it become a point of relationship with Gaia – which is and must be, particular/personal. Thus the ‘telling’ of the significance of the Sabbats/Seasonal Moments is only ever a small piece – partial. There are layers and layers of story associated with each one, and this research is part of the adding of new layers in our time. Each time it is received by another person, there is a new layer of story – their stories.
This thesis is the presentation of a Cosmology, and an art form that expresses and celebrates it, and researches its effects on the hearts and minds of participants – primarily and including myself. The research processes became for me, a practice of deepening into this Cosmology. I realize now at the end of the official research process, how much this Cosmology represents for me a template of wholeness … which the Universe must be. I have been prepared to trust myself to this template.
Author’s note: this thesis became the basis for my book PaGaian Cosmology: Re-inventing Earth-based Goddess Religion, published in 2005.
References:
Livingstone, Glenys. PaGaian Cosmology: Re-inventing Earth-based Goddess Religion. NE: iUniverse, 2005.
Livingstone, Glenys. The Female Metaphor – Virgin, Mother, Crone – of the Dynamic Cosmological Unfolding: Her Embodiment in Seasonal Ritual as Catalyst for Personal and Cultural Change. Ph.D. thesis, University of Western Sydney, 2002.
Miller, Jody & Glassner, Barry. “The ‘Inside’ and the ‘Outside’: Finding Realities in Interviews” in Qualitative Research: Theory, Method and Practice. David Silverman (ed). London: Sage, 1997, pp. 99 – 112.