My journey toward the divine source within me was inspired by a tree and only began in my 40s. I usually write poems and other inspired writings as notes on my phone or in a journal. My work is amateur at best because I only began to connect within and express myself creatively a little over two years ago. This was after I had an experience with a tree in the astral or maybe it was a lucid dream. It was a very real experience to me, resembling an out of body experience and it changed my life. It started me on a more intentional journey toward my own truth. I had recently become sober and it was like I had finally awakened from some incoherent dream. I began to process many traumas that I had from my early childhood, such as sexual abuse, psychological abuse, and physical abuse as an adult, all the typical abuses we experience in this patriarchal society. I had long suppressed the divine feminine within me, as well as my creativity, everything my inner child longed to do. I squashed it for many years with psychotropic medications, alcohol, school, work, responsibilities, etc.
I also had a brain injury over a decade ago in a car accident followed by a few ECT sessions at age 29 which did some damage to my memory. My psychiatrist at the time, had diagnosed me with medication resistant depression so he referred me to a neurologist who offered the ECT. I was very naive and ignorant at the time. Yet somehow, at the age of 38, I managed to finish college after all that. Something in me persisted, but my distorted religious upbringing and experiences with poverty led me to suppress my creativity. My goal at the time was getting a decent paying job. I was raising three children on my own. Deep inside, I had always wanted to be an artist, a singer, or a photographer. These were my childhood dreams but I had suppressed them all, thinking I was doing the right thing.
For many years, lasting until 2008, I was in a very abusive relationship with a man who forbid me to express myself creatively, but who did permit me to go to college. Luckily, I studied psychology which helped me realize how extremely dysfunctional that relationship was. For several years, I lived in denial about many things. Now my main interest is to share my experiences with other women or men who are being held back by patriarchy, I wish to inspire others in some way, to go within themselves, to love themselves and to express their deepest desires.
One day soon, I would like to write a book about my life experiences, many of which have been rough and yet, I have no regrets because it has all brought me to where I am now. I am a better person as a result. But I would like to write my story in a way that will be inspirational and not a pity-party, sob story. Because there is nothing more important to me than helping the human species evolve, I need to share my belief that self-acceptance and self-expression are what help us do that. Currently, I am writing about a method which nature has inspired in me, using my own evolution. I hope to convert my scattered, inspired notes into an actual book that may assist others in their own development.
I am still healing; I am certainly a work in progress. I believe this process of growth and human evolution never ends so I have taken a leap of faith emailing this to you. I feel this opportunity to share is such a blessing. I hope that with some guidance I can be of some service by sharing my personal, self-healing process. I thank the Mago Work! So much has been going on in my life. One of my sons just moved out and I have been helping him. I am in that transitional stage of learning to let go of my children so they can live their own lives. Thank you once again for allowing me this opportunity to share. Your work is a beautiful blessing for women and ultimately, for all of humanity.