A rose with thorns
is still a rose.
A wild rose.
I gave up my rose,
She was not good enough,
pure enough, loving enough…
Never Enough.
A rose with thorns
gets angry, strikes out
(sometimes unfairly)
gets caught by extremes,
forgives, has to find her way
back to some place
in the middle.
A rose with thorns
loves fiercely and deeply.
Familiars
twist her love
until it becomes a weapon.
Scorn is the sword
that pierces her heart.
The rose with thorns
finds dignity in endurance.
Bones hollow out,
muscles tighten—
spirit and soul flee
a tormented body.
Joy becomes memory.
Survival becomes all.
Winged Spirit hovers.
Earth Soul mourns.
Innocence is dead.
Thorns become spears, forked tongues,
the fiery Serpent rises…
A rose with thorns
is still a rose, (a flaming rose)…
After all.
(3/5/2016)
Author’s Note: The Rose with Thorns
I have always loved wild Rugosa roses more than any other, and each spring I gather the fragrant blossoms to put in small vases and I often dry some petals for sachets. I have used rose hips to make jam and I have dried the orange hips for tea. These wild roses have one characteristic that makes them hard to pick. They have very thorny stems.
Recently, I was writing about the fairy tale “Rose Red and Rose White” who live with their mother in the forest. Rose White was very sweet and pure and helped her mother around the house. Rose Red loved the wild places and spent all her time outdoors. There is no masculine force in the story until a big bear comes to spend the winter with the little family. The mother is wise enough to know what her daughters are missing… positive instinctual masculine energy that needs to be integrated into the female psyche. She allows the bear to spend nights lying on the hearth, and, naturally, the bear transforms into a prince and eventually marries Rose White. His brother (another prince) marries Rose Red. A marriage of the masculine to the feminine forces in the psyche allows a woman to become whole. Unfortunately the culture continues to tell the story as if it is a tale of literal marriage. This is especially damaging to young girls who are still learning to give away their personal power, as I once did to meet cultural expectations.
As a child/adolescent/young adult I aspired to be pure and good like Rose White in order to please my mother. Unfortunately, I had the wrong temperament. I also aspired to be some kind of unearthly Madonna. (As a small child I was inexorably drawn to Mary, although I was not a Catholic and knew nothing about her. What I see now is that Mary was the first goddess to “live” through me.)
In reality, I was birthed into fire, feared it, and was consumed by it. Fire pulled me out of a body that I was ashamed to be born into. I learned too late that the legacy of fear of abandonment and inherited sexual shame is to abandon one’s body. Abandonment came to the surface to be dealt with, the deep dark root of shame stayed hidden. Untouched, the root grew. At 70, the dark man still waits on the threshold of night to strike through my dreams. On the outside, neighboring bullies and cowards hide in the shadows, tell lies, and use mechanical eyes to spy on me. I have had these bullies as neighbors for 12 years and they never give up their harassment tactics. The other day, a friend of mine asked me why these people would care about what I do; that’s a good question that I cannot answer beyond saying that these people are predators that have no lives of their own. If I liked them at all, I would pity them.
Accepting that “I am a rose with thorns” has been a life-long process, and now being one feels just right! It’s good to have thorns. In fact it is great to have thorns! How can I use my thorns to protect myself from bullying and harassment?
This is the question I posed to myself as I wrote the poem. The poem gave me the answer I needed: I allow my instincts to lead (someone in me knows just what to do) as the Serpent of Wisdom rises in all her fiery power. I thought of the myth of Demeter and Persephone, a myth that has been so important to me, one that has helped me accept who I am on a soul level. Persephone is considered to be a Serpent Goddess in some Greek mythology, and the Serpent Goddess of Crete is also seen as a symbol of female power. Even the Catholic Virgin Mary has serpents at her feet! Serpents represent the life force of Nature. I wed Her in myself at 39 by acquiring and wearing a golden serpent ring while making a commitment to stay with and honor my own process. At 70, I still wear this ring and I continue to make this promise…
Yesterday “Spirit” arrived as three female cardinals who came at dusk. “She” was with me.
See Meet Mago Contributor Sara Wright.