Patriarchy
Children begin their lives with their mothers in a relation – creating communicative gift economy and they begin learning language at the same time. However binary gender categorizations in language and in society soon intervene and the boy child finds that he belongs to a category that is the opposite of that of his nurturing mother.[1] That is, if the mother’s most salient characteristic for the child is the unilateral satisfaction of needs, the fact that he belongs to a binarily opposite gender category implies for him that he will not unilaterally satisfy needs. There is very little in the boy’s life at this early age that is not part of the gift giving and receiving economy. He learns to deny its importance however, transform it into something else and even take categorization itself as part of the content of his identity. The father (who went through the same process when he was a child) becomes for the boy the exemplar of the human, taking the place of the mother who often paradoxically gives more to the father and son than she does to herself or her daughter. That is, she gives and gives value preferentially to those whose gender identity requires that they NOT give.[2] The displacement of the mother model and take-over by the father of the role of exemplar of the (not giving) human is the seed of the dominance of male over female, categorization over communication, and eventually the exchange economy over gift giving. While the boy exchanges one model for the other, giving up the mother and gift giving and receiving the father and a masculine identity in her place, the mother gives way and gives him up unilaterally, encouraging him to be masculine and very rarely even considering that she might remain as his more human role model.[3]
The ego-oriented human relations of economic exchange are a socially-created opposite of gift relations and they provide a way for society to distribute goods to (at least some) needs without appearing to mother. The market is an area of life where, by exchanging, we can give without giving and receive without receiving. In fact, in the market we must ‘deserve’ what we receive, that is, we must have previously ‘given’ an equivalent for which the present ‘gift’ is a payment. The equality of commodities and money in exchange cancels out the gift. Since we get back the equivalent of what we gave, there is no visible transfer of value from one person to the other.
The market is one of the solutions society has provided for the conundrums created by the imposition of binary gender categories upon its children. It is an area of life and a location where people can deny their other orientation and turn production for others to their own advantage, a place where they will not be accused of mothering. The fact that women can participate equally with men in this ungiving arena simply shows that its roots are not biological but social, deriving from a social, not biological, construction of gender.
Notes
[1] See Nancy Chodorow’s The Reproduction of Mothering. I call this process, which I also discuss in For-Giving,’ masculation’.
[2] This paradox is kept in place by denying importance to the gift giving that is embodied in mothering while on the other hand overvaluing exceptional or self destructive giving, as in sacrifice.
[3] See Olga Silversteen: The Courage to Raise Good Men (1994).
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