Descent of the Dark Goddess for Personal Empowerment
Sofia Wren
Introduction
During the Fall of 2017, I felt a calling stir in me to talk about the Dark Goddess. I had received an invitation to speak to members of a nonprofit’s leadership team because they wanted to serve more people from “untraditional spiritual paths.” I’m someone who came from a “nontraditional” spiritual path, that is, I grew up with a secular anti-religious upbringing only to find inspiration from Goddess mythology and spirituality as a solitary practitioner, and later as a member of women’s groups. So, there is much I could say about a voyage that began around age eight. In speaking about possible ways to conduct my talk with my advisor from the nonprofit, I found myself accepted with welcoming arms, but there was one snag. I felt the snag when I mentioned, “Hey wouldn’t it be helpful if I mentioned the Dark Goddess? Some of my classmates at Loyola have found my perspective to be very interesting and enlightening.” To the advisor, this was too advanced for the discussion, like a 300-level course when we were just at 101.
I accepted this in the moment, but as time passed and I returned home from the meeting I began to feel the rumble of various emotions and doubts. Was this limitation really fair? It struck a pang in me. Why was it not okay to talk about Her? This dark mother that holds me in the dark when I cry, so that I know it is OK? The one who understands the pain of abuse? Who feels my anger of being oppressed by forces and people in my life? Who wants to tear apart the broken systems and structures and start over from scratch? Who wants to punch back? Who knows my struggle to do the right thing when there are no clear answers? Who knows the sorrow of grief and loss when it tears my heart apart? How could I hold in what I wanted to say about Her? It was a difficult rumbling. Over time, I came to agree with the decision that the explanation wasn’t necessary for that particular forum. After meditating and rumbling, I decided to instead embody the energy of the Dark Goddess during my talk by going into my own personal darkness along my unique spiritual journey, speaking about when I was bullied and called a witch during middle school and as a result, shut down spiritually for ten years. But I knew I would be diving into the topic of the Dark Goddess more deeply soon, not only because of how passionately I felt about the topic’s significance, but also because of what happened the same week.
That very same week, a few days after the conversation with my advisor, I attended a group called Full Circle at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Annapolis (UUCA). It’s an open earth-based, spiritual women’s circle I’ve attended over the course of many years, which has different themes for different meetings. I didn’t know the meeting topic until I walked into the door, and behold my surprise when it was the Dark Goddess. In all my years of attending, I’m not sure we’ve ever had a richer group discussion. Somewhere between ten to fifteen women attended the meeting, and every woman had something to say about how she connected to the Dark Goddess for deep benefits to her own life. While for people who are not familiar with the Dark Goddess, it may seem “out there” or intense or very far along the path (and, no, it’s not evil). However, from what I heard and took away from the night’s discussion, it seemed to me that working with “dark” aspects of Goddess, divine feminine energy or feminine archetypes is more prevalent and less unusual among those women called to earth-based, neopagan or spiritual practice than I would have thought. In fact, considering the relative diversity and eclectic nature of the women involved in my group, it actually seemed one of the few things we could all agree on beyond appreciating nature and the elements. We nibbled on dark chocolate and sipped little cups of red wine as we talked into the night about our lives, the Goddess, and her journey descending into and ascending from the underworld. To me this was a sign; there was something here, something more.
As my Masters in Spiritual and Pastoral Care at Loyola University Maryland rounded to a finish in the Spring of 2018, it seemed obvious to me what I would write about for my final thesis: the Dark Goddess, the one who descends into the underworld, and how to take the work with Her deeper. Given the depth of the discussion from my women’s group Full Circle at the UUCA, I was led through the thesis guidelines to conduct a thought experiment about what “taking it deeper” in that context might truly mean. I had to explain the Dark Goddess in layman’s terms so to speak: taking the explanation to the higher level I didn’t get a chance to explore before. To do so, I describe the Dark Goddess as an archetype rather than just a deity. Some people will see it differently, but I’m flexible; whether the divine is a part of my consciousness or external is not something I quibble about because to me All is One and it is all the same. I am divine and powerful, and so is Goddess, God and all the rest. By focusing on archetypes, I hoped to explain in the clearest of terms and be as inclusive of those in my community as possible—as some are atheist or agnostic.
At the end of preparing the original paper I also proposed a group of 6-8 sessions as a possible way to take this work deeper. The women’s group I proposed is a sacred space with different introspective activities and discussion to explore collectively this descent into the underworld modeled on the Dark Goddess’ journey based on mythology. The descent is to result in a new ascent with more pleasure, more power, more depth and richness in life than ever before. When we are truly awake, there is a richness and beauty to life that we couldn’t see before, and the journey of the Dark Goddess honors the natural cycles of inner healing. Sometimes you need to go through the fire, into the dark, through the shit, only to come out stronger and lighter than ever before. I hope to facilitate a women’s group like this in the future, whether it is at the UUCA, another Unitarian church, a spiritual center, or through Zoom online. I’m open to whatever the future will bring! I chose not to include any more of my thesis beyond this chapter for brevity’s sake, but I can be contacted for more information.
Meanwhile, it behooves me to say that I’m always doing my own work. I am not immune. The Goddess has taught me to be willing to descend below so that I may joyfully embrace life each day. It is these journeys that have changed my life, doing the difficult thing, facing emotions or parts of myself that are hard to look at, saying the things and doing the things that I feel called to, even though I do not want to. Never before in my life have I been so willing to listen. During this final semester of grad school, I not only wrote this paper, but I flung open the doors of my life. I moved out of the apartment I lived in with my previous partner of seven years at New Years. Recently in June, I was visiting my old house to cry together over our fur-baby, my childhood cat, who then passed away. For the last six months, I struck out on my own, free of student loan or parental support, and juggled all my talents to make a living. I embraced my abilities as a massage therapist and healer, while being more discerning in my freelance writing, editing and coaching business. I began to prepare to leave life as I know it with the acquisition of a job teaching English in Japan in 2019.
I have seen the ways my personal hell seems to repeat itself in my romances, and have let patterns go. Much as I’d like to focus on the other areas of my life, The Dark Goddess would have me say that often my romantic life takes up the biggest focus of my energy and it has always been that way. I love people on such a deep level—like all people no matter what. If you were like that, imagine how difficult it would be to lose the love you build your days on, and then imagine finding out, that as much as you’d prefer another life partner, that it’s also okay to love people in other ways, too. I’ve had my share of heartbreak in the past and these days I’m more aware of the losses while at the same time I am grateful for everything that I’ve got. Trust me, it’s not all bad. I’m single again after seven years, and I compare myself now with who I used to be before. I’ve grown.
I’m stretching my ability to receive, as well as my ability to let go. I have a lot to learn, but I’m learning. Goddess will teach me more, I assure you. A wise man knows he is a fool: A quote that’s served as a mantra to me considering my name means wisdom. I have begun seeing myself as a leader or a teacher, but at the same time I am just a vessel for something larger.
The requirements of being Her Priestess are exacting, but there is no turning back now. I only aim to follow the guidance as best I can. I know I am a Goddess, and my Goddess guides me—even when it is difficult, and even when it is hard. This is path to the easiest brightest future—leaving the parts of me behind that do not help me grow. I release who I think I am every day and empty to what is truly inside of me.
The worst of this particular journey is over. Today I feel like I have ascended, but one day I will go down deep again. I still take day trips to the underworld regularly. And so I shine with the light of day, brighter than I am used to. Now I know myself, including the sadness, the fear, the pain, the heartache, the sexuality, the neediness, the strength, the anger, the wisdom, the gift of me. Truly, despite the challenges, I’m not sure life has ever been this good. Thank you, Goddess.
(Meet Mago Contributor) Trista Hendren.
Very moving essay. I am struck by the unwillingness of so many to embrace the dark goddess because without her, we have no depth. I too, have been held by her, healed by her, terrified by her but she is the source from which I come.