3 Options
If you don’t like something about yourself, you generally have 3 options—you can continue to despise that part of yourself, you can change it, or you can accept it.
I recently read a book—that I wouldn’t really recommend as feminist, but I enjoyed nonetheless—called UnFu*k Yourself.15 I have always adored blunt people, and this Scottish dude really nailed some things on the head for me. He gave an analogy about someone who was struggling with their weight—and that alone was playing all sorts of mind games with their self-worth. The simple strategy of just accepting the fact that they did not want to stop eating junk food or to do the exercise required to maintain the weight they easily maintained when they were younger was all that it took for this person to get ‘unfu*ked.’
That struck a chord with me—even though the male version of this is likely more simplified than it is for us as females. I don’t eat much junk food, and I have never been on a diet or struggled significantly with my weight. However, after my surgery, my stomach is less than my favorite part of my body—complete with a long scar running the length of my belly, stretch marks from 2 births and the extra bit of padding I have put on after 40.
After absorbing the author’s bluntness, I was like, OK, he is right. I have no intention of going on a diet—not now or ever—and I am not likely to start running marathons or to take up weight lifting. There is also no way I am doing any sort of cosmetic surgery to change how my stomach looks or to lessen the severity of the scar. Am I really going to spend the rest of my life being upset by a stomach that the majority of women on our planet also share to some degree?
This is where awesome art by women comes in—and why I have paintings by Elisabeth Slettnes, Arna Baartz, Jakki Moore and others hung throughout my home. In a photo-shopped world, women need regular reminders of what most of us actually look like!16
In any case, my stomach is under acceptance and I am doing a better job of dressing myself so that I feel happy with it—i.e., anything tight is going in the Goodwill box and I am going to stop wearing black every day to mask my body. My colorful friend Vigdis even sent me a fun catalog from Gudrun Sjödén to inspire me to get started.
The fact is that even when I was younger, I never thought my stomach was good enough, flat enough, or fit enough—and I had a big mole on it to boot! How many women feel bad about this? As Anita A. Johnston wrote, “Why has a naturally masculine shape (broad shoulders, no waist, narrow hips, flat belly) become the ideal for the female body? Why is it that those aspects of a woman’s body that are most closely related to her innate female power, the capacity of her belly, hips, and thighs to carry and sustain life, are diminished in our society’s version of a beautiful woman?”17
Back to your 3 options… they apply to more than just your stomach. These options apply to all of your life. Don’t waste a moment hating something about yourself—especially if you are measuring by the standards of Capitalist Patriarchy.
Define your own standards and edit your life accordingly.
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(Meet Mago Contributor) Trista Hendren.
[i] Suggestions on this in the Single Mothers Speak on Patriarchy anthology.