Sometimes amidst the strife and troubles of the world, we may find our way through by stepping away from the world. This excerpt is from my novel Daughters of Time – https://kaalii.wixsite.com/soulstory
“What is this place?” asked Lili.
“You will see,” said Old Lil, turning to lead her up a goat track.
Paula followed, heart racing, legs itching to move faster, desperate fear for Mary burning in her chest
Old Lil stopped in front of a large, flat rockface. She pointed to a low cleft in the rock and indicated that they should enter. Lili squatted to peer into the entrance. With a shrug, she dropped to her hands and knees and crawled into the darkness.
Paula hesitated. Were there bats? Spiders? A strange smell tickled her throat, like aniseed and lavender together. She dropped to her hands and knees and crawled after Lili.
The cleft opened into a larger space. Lili stood, hands outstretched to feel the walls.
“I come here to hear Her voice,” said Old Lil from behind. “This room is very old.”
“Is there a way out?” asked Paula.
Old Lil lit a candle. They stood in the centre of a circular room with a low ceiling of stone. Old Lil used the candle to light more candles set on platforms at four points around the room.
“The way out is through,” said Old Lil, holding the flame to a bowl of charcoal and blowing until the charcoal glowed red. Smoke rose in spirals, filling the room with musky incense.
She pointed to a trickle of water running down the rock face.
Lili scooped water into the palm of her hand and drank. When she was done she wiped her wet hands on her face, leaving streaks like warpaint.
Paula paced the small room. The cleft through which they had entered had disappeared into the shadows.
“Your daughter needs you to walk the path of Inanna,” said Old Lil. “Descend and return, and she will return with you.”
Lili put a hand on Paula’s arm and pointed to one of the platforms. Suspended above it, a white carving of a bird hovered in the candlelight as if alive.
“Celestial dove,” said Old Lil, her voice loud in the subterranean silence. “She bestows radiant love. We call on Her for laughter, lust, and inspiration.”
Lili crossed to the dove and knelt on the hard-packed earth.
“Come, Paula. It is the old story, descent and return. It is the way through.”
Paula looked around the walls once more and knelt beside Lili. Despite her fears, peace filled her body, and warmth settled in her bones.
“She lifts us on Her golden wings.” Old Lil’s voice rose as she lifted her arms above her head, backs of her hands meeting like wings.
Lili lifted her arms and took on the pose of the dove. She seemed to be glowing. Paula mirrored the movements, the life of the dove filling her arms.
Then Old Lil pointed to the next altar. A statue of a lioness watched them with topaz eyes.
“Lioness of battle,” said Old Lil, her voice deep.
Paula trembled.
Lili whispered. “There are tales from Sumer of the great mother lions roaring to stop the hearts of goats, to take the breath from gazelle and antelope.”
Old Lil nodded. “She brings strength invincible. Mighty warrior, fierce defender, She is the protector of women and children.” She raised her hands to her shoulders, elbows held close to her sides. Her fingers curled outwards, forming the shape of lion’s claws, tensed, ready to fight.
Lili stood to one side, hands raised in the pose of the lioness. Paula took on the posture and moved closer to the altar.
The great beast blinked.
Paula gasped. Had she imagined it? Had the incense clouded her mind?
Lili tapped her gently on the shoulder and led her to the next altar while the lioness watched.
Something moved in the shadows. Snakes!
They writhed like a living painting with soft-patterned scales, glittering mosaic eyes, tongues darting in and out.
“The West is home to the sacred serpent who holds the ancient wisdom. Sibyl, soothsayer and seer, She speaks Her truth that we may hear.” The words slid into Paula’s ears, into her senses.
Old Lil raised her hands before her forehead and moved them down and up in front of her body, palms crossing in the undulating movements of the snakes. Lili’s hands moved in time with hers. Paula let the movements take her.
When stillness returned, Old Lil lifted two of the smaller snakes. Raising her hands slowly, Paula reached for the snake . . .
. . . and murmured with surprise at the velvet-smooth warmth of the creature. The snake’s tongue darted in and out as it swayed closer and closer.
“She’s beautiful,” Paula whispered, holding it to her face. The snake’s skin slid softly against her cheek, and its tongue probed gently on her eyelids. Old Lil placed the snake back on the altar, and Paula walked with Lili to the last altar.
In beaten copper, mounted on a base of lapis lazuli, rested the curved horns of the crescent Moon. The moon had sailed over the horizon just like that in Amman; no wonder the ancients thought of it as a boat sailing the heavens.
“The Horned One,” said Old Lil. “She brings blessed fruitfulness, the life-giving power of the womb, of women, of the Earth. Her arms are always open, from Her breasts abundance flowing.”
Paula knelt by Lili’s side at the altar to receive the blessings of the Queen of Earth, the Mother of all. She followed Old Lil’s movements, extending her arms out to the side, bending her elbows and opening her hands so that her palms faced up to the heavens. The sign of the Cow-eyed One felt natural, as if her arms knew what to do.
They walked again to the centre. The symbol woven into the mat was an eight-rayed star. Lili smiled knowingly and whispered, “The sign of Inanna, Great Lady of Heaven.”
“We return always to the centre,” said Old Lil. “To the formless Chaos. To the Primal Waters. To the beginning. It is from this we come and to this we must return. The centre holds the Balance.”
Paula studied the symbol. Balance. Restore the Balance. Was this it? The key to the prophecy?
“Sit,” said Old Lil. “I will tell you a story.”
Paula sat cross-legged on the woven mat, Lili beside her.
“You have heard of Inanna,” said Old Lil.
Paula and Lili nodded.
“She was the favourite of An, and came to womanhood in his Palace.” Her voice seemed to come from all directions at once. “She won the sacred measures from Enki, Great Ones of Wisdom. They drank beer together, toasted and challenged each other, and Enki said, ‘In the name of my power! In the name of my holy shrine! To my daughter Inanna I shall give The high priesthood! Godship! The noble, enduring crown! The throne of kingship!’
“And how Inanna said, ‘I take them!’
Alongside Paula, Lili shivered. Of course she knew all the old stories of Sumer. But even she must feel something to be hearing it like this.
“You know that Enki gave to Inanna Truth! Descent into the Underworld! Ascent from the Underworld! The art of lovemaking! The kissing of the phallus!
“And that Inanna said, ‘I take them!’
“You know the story of the courtship of Inanna and Dumuzzi. How the holy Priestess chose the Shepherd who was conceived on the sacred marriage throne.”
Lili’s eyes shone in the candlelight. She smiled at Paula and squeezed her hand.
“You know the story of Inanna’s descent to the Underworld,” said Old Lil.
Lili nodded.
“Tell me,” said Old Lil.
Lili took a deep breath and spoke the story as she remembered it from the translations. “Inanna, holy Priestess of Heaven, turned her thoughts to the Great Below.
“From her seven Holy Temples she gathered the seven Holy Measures and prepared herself.
“She placed the Crown on her head.
“She tied the single strand of Beads around her neck.
“She let the Double Strand of Beads fall to her breast.
“She wrapped the Royal Robe round her body.
“She bound the Breastplate around her chest.
“She slipped the Gold Ring over her wrist.
“She took the Measuring Rod and Line in her hand.
“Inanna told Ninshubur to watch for her, and if she did not return, to go to the Great Ones, so that the holy Priestess of Heaven not be lost in the Underworld.”
The hairs on Paula’s neck tickled, as if ants were crawling on her skin.
Lili went on. “When Inanna arrived at the outer gates of the Underworld, She knocked loudly.
“She called for the door to be opened.
“Neti, the Gatekeeper, left Inanna on the doorstep to speak with the Queen of the Underworld.
“Eresh-ki-gal told the Gatekeeper to bolt the seven gates of the Underworld. They would be opened one by one, just wide enough for Inanna to enter.
“And so it came to pass that at each gate Inanna had to surrender one of the Sacred Measures. Only then, naked and bowed low, could She face the Holy, Dark and Eternal Eresh-ki-gal.”
Paula’s stomach tightened, her head throbbed. She bit her lip and waited for Lili to tell the rest of the story.
“Inanna faced the Annunaki and was judged.
“Eresh-ki-gal turned the eyes of Death on Inanna and hung her body on a hook.”
The breath left Paula’s body as if it were she who hung in the Underworld, condemned by Eresh-ki-gal. Spots danced before her eyes like mosquitoes.
“After three days and three nights, Inanna had not returned.
“Ninshubur sought help from the Great Ones, so that the holy Priestess of Heaven not be lost in the Underworld.
“Father Enki sent help, and Inanna was restored as Queen of Heaven and Earth.”
Old Lil nodded. “That is good. But it does not end there. Inanna was restored. Balance was restored. That which is above is the same as that which is below; That which is below is the same as that which is above.”
Paula let her breath out in a long sigh. She guessed what Old Lil was going to say next, but could a flesh and blood person really walk in the steps of Inanna? Could she really go to the Underworld and return?
Old Lil spoke slowly, as if reciting another verse. “The initiate makes the seven sacred Measures, using only what is offered by the Great Ones in the gardens. She speaks no words. She sits in her chamber for two days and nights. Her thoughts are of the Underworld realm of Eresh-ki-gal. Strange images haunt her, dreadful sounds assault her, and terrible feelings assail her: she knows that Eresh-ki-gal waits with Her eyes of Death.”
Paula’s heart sat heavy as a lump of clay in her chest. The prickling on her skin grew stronger, like ants biting her arms, her legs, her belly. Surely no one ever died in rituals. Did they?
“Come,” said Old Lil. “She waits.”
Paula stood, holding tightly to Lili’s hand. A shadow moved behind the altar of the dove.
Paula screamed and stumbled backwards into Lili. Lili sat down heavily on the floor. Paula fell onto her lap like a child.
The newcomer extended a hand. “I am sorry. I startled you.”
“Haleli?” Lili pushed from behind, and Haleli helped Paula up.
Paula and Haleli took a hand each and lifted Lili to her feet.
“Of course,” said Old Lil. “The three streams, daughters of Mir-ri.”
“Of course,” whispered Lili.
Of course.
Old Lil took up a candle and led the way to another cleft hidden in the cave wall. They emerged into a larger chamber.
Old Lil lit more candles and pointed to a shallow pool of water caught in a natural hollow in the rock. Haleli slipped out of her clothes and washed, as if she had done this before.
Haleli stepped back, and Lili shed her clothes and completed the cleansing ritual.
Paula did the same, the cold water sluicing away some of the jumbled thoughts. Fear still pricked her skin and tightened her throat.
Old Lil handed them robes, dark-colored fabric, soft as swanskin. Paula slipped hers on over her head. It smelled of herbs. Lavender? Pine oil?
Old Lil pointed to a pile of objects on the floor. Paula picked up the top one, an arrangement of twigs and dried leaves. She hung it around her neck as Old Lil indicated. Lili and Haleli also donned strange necklaces that covered the front of their bodies. They looked like ancient warriors, or priestesses. Hadn’t Lili said a breastplate was one of the sacred me?
As if she had heard Paula’s thoughts, Lili smiled and nodded, a look of wonder on her face. They all knelt before the other objects on the ground.
Instructed by Old Lil, Paula settled a Double Strand over the Breastplate, placed a Single Strand over that, fitted the Gold Band over her wrist alongside the bracelet from her mother, and lifted the Crown onto her head. She took up a long staff, draped with leaves. If these were the me, they were not made of gold and precious stones, but crafted from grass and wood and things of Nature. It seemed so obvious now.
But were they really going to walk the way of Inanna? Meet Eresh-ki-gal? Who would play the part of the Queen of the Underworld? Would an enactment really help Mary?
Once again Lili smiled and nodded as if she was reading her mind and trying to reassure her.
Old Lil led them to a corner of the chamber. Paula peered down a rough stairway descending into the earth.
Haleli spoke the ritual words. “If I am not returned when three days and nights have passed, seek help to secure my return.”
Lili repeated the words slowly, as if reciting from memory.
Paula stumbled over the words, and Lili said them again so she could repeat them. Spider legs of fear scuttled along Paula’s arms and across the back of her neck. Were they really going to do this? Sweat dampened her underarms and inner thighs. She wrinkled her nose at the sharp smell of it.
The air thickened, making it hard to breathe. With a final look at Old Lil, Paula followed Lil and Haleli down the stairs. Bare feet touched steps wide and worn in the middle. Others had passed this way before.
Breathe . . .
Hands brushed the sides of the tunnel, smoothed by others who had passed this way.
Breathe . . .
The steps ended in a room of earth with a low ceiling, walls glowing in the light of coals smouldering in a bowl on the floor. Smoke clouded the air, pungent with incense. A wooden door lay three steps ahead. A heavy stillness in Paula’s body cautioned against movement.
Breathe . . .
The coals died.
The room darkened.
Three steps to the threshold.
Lili moved first, and Haleli moved to stand beside her.
Paula moved one foot, her mind thick and slow from the incense and the fear. Moved the other foot. Stepped to the door.
Lili’s knuckles sounded loud on the wood, and Paula remembered that knocking was part of the story.
Nothing moved.
The last glow of the coals faded, and Lili hammered at the door with her fists, like a child begging to come in from the dark.
“Who seeks entry to the Otherworld?” asked a voice like night.
Paula’s lips stuck together, mouth too dry to speak. She licked her lips and swallowed.
Lili answered first. “I, Lili, seek entry,” she whispered.
“I, Haleli, seek entry.”
“I, Paula, seek entry.”
“Wait,” said the voice.
Cold seeped from the walls.
“You may enter,” said the voice.
The door moved to make an opening lit by the glow of a single candle held by a dark-robed figure. Paula strained to see beneath the hood, but there were only shadows. Was it Old Lil?
Paula followed the others through. The door slammed shut behind her. Hands reached for the Crown, pulled it free from her hair.
“What is this?” she said. Lili and Haleli cried out the same words.
“Quiet. The Ways of the Underworld are perfect and may not be questioned.”
Paula’s legs trembled. She bit her lip. The weight of the rock above pushed down. Whatever waited below pushed up. Between the two, Paula’s senses cracked like grain between grinding stones. She fell into blackness.
Her thoughts returned to an absence of pressure. She shivered in the cold darkness. Had she slept? Had she fainted?
She pressed her hands against the floor, the soil hard-packed, smooth and dry. The Crown was gone, but the earth remained solid beneath her hands. She picked up the staff and stood. Lili and Haleli breathed and rustled alongside her. Paula reached up to touch the ceiling. Like the floor, it was solid, smooth and dry. That which is above is the same as that which is below; That which is below is the same as that which is above.
How long had they been there? There was no way to tell. Paula remembered the story and reached out to find the next door.
She beat loudly on the wood with her fists. The door opened. She walked through. The others followed. Hands took the Single Strand from her neck.
“What is this?” she asked, her teeth chattering. Once again, the others spoke the same words. Could they say anything else?
“Quiet. The Ways of the Underworld are perfect and may not be questioned.”
Paula’s head spun as if she had been turning in circles. Dots of light flashed like stars, becoming brighter, bigger. One rushed at her and exploded against her forehead.
She was on the ground again, head pulsing with pain like stabbing knives. Was it meant to hurt like this?
She stood on shaking legs to reach for the next door. Her hands met Lili’s back. She felt around for her staff, picked it up, and followed the others into the chill.
Her feet told her that the path sloped downwards, but her other senses were baffled, no way to tell how long they walked before meeting the next door. Her body trembled and fearful thoughts flooded her mind, but she joined with the others to hit her hands against the wood. The slapping sound and the stinging of her palms reminded her that she was alive.
The door opened. She walked through. Hands took the Double Strand. The ritual words burst forth from them all: “What is this?”
“Quiet. The Ways of the Underworld are perfect and may not be questioned.”
A fight welled up inside Paula; like fire and wind all at once, it raged in her chest, her arms. A cry like birth burst from her mouth, leaving a wound in her throat.
Surely she was meant to be there, surrendering the necklace. Then why was it so hard? She sat down abruptly, heat coursing through her body. Had Old Lil tricked them? Were they going to die there?
When the fiery wind of doubt stopped raging, Paula rose and walked on. It was so dark she could not even see her fingers when she held them before her face. The air shifted as Lili and Haleli moved alongside her, but she saw only blackness. If not for the glimpse of light at each door, she might think they had taken her eyes as well. She felt for them then, scrabbling with her fingers, breath coming in gasps.
They were there, safe.
Lili and Haleli had stopped, waiting at the next door.
They knocked. It opened. They walked through.
Hands grasped the Breastplate, lifted it over Paula’s head.
“What is this?” they all asked.
“Quiet. The Ways of the Underworld are perfect and may not be questioned.”
This time Paula stood quietly as the dim light disappeared, no sound except the slow beating of her own heart. Crossing her arms over her chest, she imagined the Breastplate, sensing it as part of her body, something that could not be taken.
She moved more certainly to the next door and knocked with the others on the smooth wood. The Golden Band of wheat was taken from her arm. It stripped the skin from her arm, leaving her raw and bleeding.
“What is this?” she asked with Lili and Haleli.
“Quiet. The ways of the Underworld are perfect and may not be questioned.”
Blood dripped onto the ground, falling onto Paula’s feet as if eager to leave her body. The candlelight began to flicker, dissolving into blackness as her eyes lost focus. She fell.
When awareness returned, it brought pain. Her head hurt. Spots danced behind her eyelids. Her arm throbbed as if it had been scraped raw, but the flesh was unbroken. Had it been fear alone that had weakened her?
Water dripped from the low stone ceiling, falling onto Paula’s face with a small, wet sound. It reminded her of thirst, of her body struggling to live despite being buried in timelessness. A rush of warmth filled her chest, a rush of love for the life that pulsed in her body. She moved to catch the drips of water on her tongue. It tasted of metal and earth.
Truly, she reasoned, no one had done her any harm. Fear alone had overwhelmed her. Perhaps that was what she must learn: to overcome the power of fear to rob her of will and life. She rolled to the side and stumbled to her feet, still tempted to cradle her left arm in front of her. She refused the image of flayed skin and dripping blood, and the illusion left like a sigh.
Paula picked up the staff and moved with Lili and Haleli through the darkness until they came to the next door.
The all knocked against the wood. The door opened. They walked through. Hands took the staffs.
“What is this?” they asked.
The voice of night answered. “Quiet. The Ways of the Underworld are perfect and may not be questioned.”
They walked to the final door and waited. Was it moments or days that they stood there? What strange crossings had brought them to this place? Had this final crossing been waiting since the beginning? Waiting for daughters of the lineage that began in ancient Sumer and spread across the Middle East and from there to Europe, America, Australia?
As Paula confronted the unanswerable questions, the silence deepened around her. She stood between Lili and Haleli. They held hands. Were they strong enough to take the next step?
They released each other’s hands, and Lili knocked. The door opened. They passed through.
The Gatekeeper took the Robes, leaving them naked.
“What is this?” they whispered.
“Quiet. The Ways of the Underworld are perfect and may not be questioned.”
They walked together, naked and bowed low, to meet Eresh-ki-gal. Queen of the Underworld. Holy, Dark and Eternal Eresh-ki-gal.
Paula’s cheeks flushed, like a child caught at something shameful. Would The Queen of the Underworld see through to all her secrets? Would she turn the eyes of death on her?
*
A terrible wailing filled the air with unspeakable grief. Images writhed in the grief: corpses piled high as hills; hills weeping blood from wounds too deep to heal; rivers running dry like scars; oceans rising to flood the land; trees felled faster than seeds could grow; fish harvested too plentifully to breed; arable land sold to the highest bidder to cover with concrete.
Paula sank to her knees, covering her ears. Never had she heard such a sound; it was as if the Earth wailed in torment. She cried out in sympathy. Alongside her, Lili was moaning as if in great pain, but Haleli looked ecstatic, hands raised, eyes glowing, smiling.
“Ancient Mother, I hear you calling,” she cried. “Your pain is my pain. Your flesh bleeds. Your body trembles. Your salty tears overflow. I bleed with you. I tremble with you. My tears overflow.” She sobbed, tears dripping off her chin onto her chest.
The wailing stopped. A voice older than Time echoed in the chamber.
“Have you the wisdom to hear beyond my wail? I am the catastrophe, the devourer, the necessity. Impaled on my teeth, you shall be blessed for you will glimpse truth. I am the living power of water, the cry that catches in the throat, the sob that shatters stone.[i] Have you the courage to lift up my veil? Have you the courage to welcome my voice? Have you the wisdom to embrace the choice?”
As if she had been walking towards this moment all her life, Paula surrendered to the necessity, offering up her body, her blood, her life.
Lili cried out in wonder.
Haleli spread her arms wide and sang an ululation that echoed into a hundred voices. A thousand voices.
When the last echo faded, there was silence, deep, eternal silence.
Haleli’s voice rose to meet the silence. “Holy Eresh-Ki-Gal, great is your renown. Holy Eresh-ki-gal , your praises I sing. Holy Eresh-ki-gal, great is your renown. Holy Eresh-ki-gal , your praises I sing.”
Lili joined her, repeating the words over and over. Paula found the rhythm and sang until her throat ached and her heart filled with joy.
[i] N Ellis (1988). Awakening Osiris: The Egyptian Book of the Dead. Grand rapids, MI: Phanes Press, p. 169. Copyright permission granted by Red Wheel Weiser.