I have long been held in the sway of the Welsh myths and Cerridwen had always held great power for me. She was seen as a triple Goddess as a shapeshifting Shamaness and a Birth and Death Mother. I was inspired by the image of her rising as the moon at twilight and taking the dying Sun into her body to sail across the ocean of night to birth the Sun at dawn. It gave me a hopeful sense of the potential of the new day and that the power of creating that day is now and has always been in my hands.
This painting is about seven years old and as usual when it was finished it got stuck in a dark corner and I hardly saw it. Then a few months ago after the death of my beloved I had to move house. I decided to hang the painting in the study just a few feet from where I am now sitting at my computer. It wasn’t just the loss of my beloved but also the house we had shared together, and I felt like I had been disassembled, deconstructed. My life was never going to be the same again and I had to make myself anew. Because I had painted myself as Cerridwen the image gave me some comfort some hope.
Perhaps it is because it is coming up to the anniversary of my great sorrow or maybe I had let myself get a bit overwhelmed, but I seemed to manufacturing difficulties for myself. I was contemplating this while looking at the painting and I noticed something I had never really seen before but there is a slight look of weariness in my painted face. I saw and felt my humanity I didn’t want to be responsible all the time I wanted to rest from the creation of myself and my life I wanted to sleep it all away.
Last weekend I was visited by one of my oldest and dearest friends and we did what we have done whenever possible over the last fifty-five years, we drank gallons of tea and put the world to rights. We would share our joys and pains confess our struggles and pull tarot cards for inspiration and insight. The last card of the three incredibly pertinent cards had a line in it so powerful it vibrated through me like a great bell. It is from the Osho Zen Tarot pack and the card is called We Are The World. “When we can combine our tremendous inner wealth to create a treasure of love and wisdom that is available to all, we are linked together in the exquisite pattern of eternal creation.”
All my adult life whenever I have been low or ill or in a dark place people have said to me, “Jennifer are you painting you know you are only well when you’re working.” They are right I know that, but it is not just the work although it certainly does help keep me sane. But it is about being caught up in that “exquisite flow” That creative energy that flows through the universe the energy with which the Divine makes itself manifest. It is time for me to get back into the boat create myself anew as a new dawn awaits me.