[Editor’s Note: This piece was presented during the first and inaugural S/HE Divine Studies Forum held on September 7th, 2024.]
I was raised by my grandmother. She is full of wisdom and humor at 90. She taught our family and in my mothers’ generation we were with 50 others of our cousins and extended family sharing our culture. Today my own grandmother shares joy and laughter. I write this to create a bridge from before till now in sharing this journey Ive taken. In the beginning all of my friends in my neighborhood were south and east Asian, and they taught me individually and shared their culture with me. My family’s immigration and assimilation left me with little cultural ties or stories. We were cut off in what seemed a cultural desert. Only what remained was a rich culinary tradition, and a stark tradition of devotion and song. Not relating to the staunch catholic traditions however, I denied confirmation, and leaned in closer to the shared cultural experiences of my childhood and teenage friends.
I visited infinite temples over thousands of days and got involved in communities with wonderfully ancient philosophies of mind and body. Later as an adult I married into an Indian family and continued learning those traditions including understandings the vast pantheon of powerful goddesses of the traditions of Indian subcontinent.
But as I grew in my experience as a music teacher, across various schools, I started to gain further curiosity of my own roots. With the heyday of DNA testing come, I did one of the first kits more than a decade ago. Surprised I was to see that I am 100% indigenous, completely native American.
I was complete shocked at the time, and my own family denied it. That wasn’t a part of anyone in my immediate family’s experience or their narrative. Only one member of the family was ready to learn more. Decolonization is a long and slow process of unravelling. Fighting the erasure narrative on a family level and opening up to my own ancestry took precedence—I did this by starting to investigate the rituals and traditions of those who were keeping the practices of the beliefs alive.
Having heard of sacred medicines, herbology or plant spirituality, Rapé Cohoba, Ayuhuasca and frog toxin, I thought those spiritual practices were linked to beliefs of those tribes of the Caribbean—their culture and agricultural reality. So I started to learn about their crops, and plants the natural fibres and dyes they used and their food.
I love food and herbal medicines, and I use indigenous cures for everything that I possibly can now, and cultivating the understanding of plants is helpful in supporting a strong body and mind. I wanted to understand their view and what they knew; how they planted with the Pleiades, and how the dry season was their period of resting. Understanding their agricultural cycles let me in to their world of what they saw as being quick with life. During this winter period of January and February is when Humpback, Grey and Right whales come for their calving season to give life to their next generation in the warm Caribbean breeding grounds. Just as this period of gestation for whales was seen by my ancestors, in the same way the yuka plant gestates in the ground until spring. This fertile plant has several harvests a year and was the calorie dense nutritional staple providing all the energy for the nomad people who became farmers of the Caribbean. This tuber-starchy vegetable has folate, vitamin C, minerals, and potassium, along with corn, beans, squash, sweet potatoes, nuts and seeds gave amino acid using complimentary proteins. The yuka was sewn when the whales would come to calve, showing the interconnected life cycles on land and sea. Learning in this way I began to circle back to my own contemplation of my own indigenous roots and family, hailing from Puerto Rico.
With learning their flowers and crops I decided to learn the recipes of my ancestors as well. I started buying foreign sounding ingredients and incorporating them. I learned the old ways of food making and learned new ones too. I also started respected the complex proteins that were incorporated in new ways that my ancestors knew- things like quinoa bread and chia pudding. Small seeds with so much nutritional value that make quite a difference. Our indigenous food however—and that connects us deeply as the same crops grown all over the Antilles connect the same culinary traditions. And festivals, and some spirits as well.
Being an immigrant, struggling with dual identity and language, leaving behind a deeply religious and ceremonial culture for a scant and secular one, as well as leaving rich and densely populated community to live in cultural deserts. Puerto Ricans are old immigrants now, but we score highest on the dissimilary index—and remain in separate enclaves. We come from tribes but are detribalized.
Next on my journey into finding out the wisdom of my grandmothers was first searching for songs. This was naturally the first thing I came to search for—the sacred songs, the names of what our grandmothers knew to be their spirits. I looked for an invocation, a calling song, a way into the spirituality, a way to reach my ancestors. I wanted to seek for wisdom, and understand my own ancestry and lineage. With meditations I tried reaching into the memories of my bloodline. I saw some visions and I saw them. Several times I saw hidden mountain places and steep valley overlooks — the fabled lands of immortality, with infinite healing waters, or cities of gold as was sought by Cortez.
In this way, I used meditations to understand what I envision in connecting to my own bloodlines. This all ties together the disparate lines that exist in the present; used as a means to realize the wisdom of my grandmother.